Saturday, January 8, 2011

State of Emergency-We have Snow Accumulation Up To .0000001 Inch. CLOSE YO SHIT DOWN

About a week ago, I was snowed in my abode and decided to sit down and pay homage to my childhood by tuning into The Price is Right. It was right after Christmas when the whole Northeast got about a foot or two of cockblock. The program was abruptly interrupted by news coverage of the snow.

The street in front of my house in Jersey. Where yo at, Rudolph?

WHAT THE TITS. I was waiting to see if some bitch was going to win the delectable communist-like- Steve Madden-esque heels that were up for grabs.

Now a week later, I'm sitting in the same place watching more Jesus dandruff get deposited onto my driveway. And one thing I've noticed this year is how snow coverage has become the irrefutable zeitgeist of news coverage lately.

ABC News had 8+ Hours of LIVE News Coverage of the Snow Storm.

Why has the magnitude of a snow storm transformed into DEFCON 5? Last time I checked, it occasionally snows in the winter.

So while bombs are being dropped, people dying, and other worldly events that are more worthy than spectating Mother Nature's secretions,  we have ludicrous slew of snow coverage just because our roads are too blanketed to go buy pumpernickel at Wegmans. Sure, if you really want pumpernickel it'll take you longer to get there than swimming in caramel, but its not the end of the world. Call Chuck Norris.

The only thing I'm not going to bitch about is Liz Cho on ABC News. DIVA. Always lookin' glamulous.

The next day I watched the press conference Mayor Bloomberg gave about the lack of plowing in the city. Now, I completely understand the caliber of broadcasting this seeing as how many people are affected. Hell, I need to hold a press conference the day after I drink.

Of course, he mentioned the efforts the city was taking to clear out the snow and what not. However, the most logical conclusion he arrived at was:

"Things like this happen. And we will probably get more storms like this in the future."

And I never got to see if Suzy Homemaker won the faboosh heels.

So, if you're snowed in... Relax! Drink a jug of warm milk, pop in a DVD. Watch your favorite episode of Cheers. Life will resume in a day or two.

Enjoy your snow day(s) and lack of human contact!

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