Thursday, July 19, 2012

My Birthday Wish List

-To tattoo "laissez faire" on my forehead

-A sweater made out of someone who failed the GEDs

-A giftcard to Anderson Cooper's dick

-For children not to speak for 24 hours

-A tour of Octomom's vagina

-A Ferrero Rocher the size of Willow Smith

-Skype (the entire company)

-Delete the word "moist" from the English language

-To engage in a threesome with Jake from State Farm and Siri

-To milk one of nature's more tame beasts (bat, eel, etc)

-Watch Mila Kunis get a pap smear

-To go back in time and have sex with a Hessian during the Battle of Trenton

-Bathe in croutons

-Play Battleship with Fran Drescher

-Drink with my friends

-Drink alone

-Drink alone while my friends judge me in the corner

-I have no friends

-Hummus

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