Monday, October 29, 2012

Alternative Hurricane Names

I've compiled a list of alternative hurricane names for the National Weather Service to consider when naming future tropical storms:

Hurricane Yasser Arafat

Hurricane Casey Anthony

Hurricane Newt Gingrich

Hurricane JonBenét Ramsey

Hurricane Maleficent

Hurricane Pontius Pilate

Hurricane Susan B. Anthony

Hurricane Edict of Nantes

Hurricane Hyuandai Sontata

Hurricane Boo Boo Child

Hurricane Joan Rivers

Hurricane Christiane Amanpour

Hurricane Francis Ford Coppola

Hurricane Celine Dion

Hurricane Kim Jong Il

Hurricane Donald Rumsfeld

Hurricane Whose Line Is It Anyway

Hurricane Hakuna Matata

Hurricane Hurricane Hurricane Hurricane Hurricane Hurricane Hurricane

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Call Me Baby>Call Me Maybe

One of my favorite things about immersing myself in NYC nightlife is the tremendous talent of local music that permeates from downtown's creative landscape. Brooklyn native Brittany Campbell is making a splash in the scene with infectious, hip hop pop songs sonically similar to what would happen if Prince and Beyoncé had a musical love child.

Her energy packs a punch during her live sets. I popped my Brittany Campbell cherry a few weeks ago at Tammany Hall's Magic Monday, dancing like my naughty area was on fire. The energy was pulverizing, exuding from the stage like a Category 4 hurricane thoroughly pleasing my musical g-spot along with the bevy of punk rockers and social anomalies that the Magic Monday fête attracts monthly.

And as if being a classically trained illustrious performer wasn't enough, she harbors more in her arsenal of musical craft like producing her own music. Equipped with a Carnegie Mellon education, her throat is unequivocally the residence of a 60's diva; radiating a powerful voice that can hold up to the sonic enormity of songs such as "Call Me Baby," an uplifting 60's-esque Motown song supplemented with a comical and playful video with nods to various 90's R&B imagery and vocal parallels to Gloria Gaynor.

If you fancy stripped down performances, Brittany's YouTube channel offers a bundle of musical covers from popular tunes such as "We Found Love" to "I've Just Seen A Face," chaperoned with a guitar and a soulful vibrato.

Her albums Black Summer and Nerd can be purchased on iTunes HERE. My personal favorites include "Motherfucker", "Clown", and "Call Me Baby" (not to be confused with frivolous pop Top 40 hit "Call Me Maybe.") Make sure you check out her Facebook page HERE and make sure to download all of her fabulous music!

Thursday, October 4, 2012

People Who Would Make A Better President Than Mitt Romney

Anderson Cooper

Judy Blume

A drunk Huguenot

Victoria (Beckham or 's secret)

A roll of Charmin Ultra (FLORAL SCENTED)

A peeled grape

Terry Schiavo

Your local barista


Jake Gyllenhaal

Jake Gyllenhaal's pants

Jake Gyllenhaal's divinely proportioned pectorals

Jake, why won't you love me, Jake?!

A crouton

Your drunk uncle that asked you to play "Tetris" in the basement during Thanksgiving of '96


50 Shades of Grey (HARDCOVER)

Apple (actual fruit and/or Gwyneth Paltrow's daughter)

Kathy Griffin's cameltoe

Cars 2

Someone who is not a homo/women/Mexican/dog/poor people phobic twat