Monday, July 28, 2014

On Millennial Jargon

As a pariah of the Gen Y demographic, I'm constantly behind on slang's public birth on the digital landscape. Now, don't be mistaken; I'm an active participant in the hashtagging community. In fact, I sleep with a hashtag under my pillow in hopes the Tooth Fairy will gift me with more Instagram followers while I sleep. But as what I lovingly refer to as "millennial jargon," e.g. "bae" (before anyone else)* and "thot" (that hoe over there) introduce themselves to the Internet vernacular, I can't help but be fascinated with the perpetual need to abbreviate lingo that has made terms like "babe" and "harlot" archaic. (Ok, I know I'm dating myself with "harlot." For you millennials, "harlot" was the "thot" of the Crusades or any other Jesus-oriented wars. I'm still a firm proponent of the term and will continue to use it in everyday conversation and cover letters).

As someone with a communications degree, I can't help but scrutinize the origin of this vocabulary attaining ubiquity in our media-iundated age. I learned what "bae" a few weeks ago. Immediately I thought: "how do I qualify to become one's bae?" "What are the prerequisites to earning this title?""Is there paperwork and will my fee be waived if I have over 1,000 Twitter followers?" AND HERE I AM CALLING EVERYONE DARLIN' OR SUGAR! It's NO WONDER I'm single! It's either that or because I make everyone I date wear a Celtic cloak during foreplay. But I digress.

And then there's "thot." Who would have THOT?! HA! Please keep reading, I'll simmer down with the puns. Are we no longer deeming those with shameless promiscuous tendencies as "sluts" or "Greg Mania's"??? I don't mean to sound like a cranky parent, but what the fuck (WTF) is triggering this visceral need to amalgamate terms of endearment/derogatory intentions into a monosyllabic word whose definition can only be found on

I'm an old fashioned soul. I call those I care about "babe," I open doors for people, and I blow my date before appetizers. Is there any hope of keeping these traditions alive? How fast will words like "bae" and "thot" seep their way into everyday face-to-face conversation? When will Dateline air a special on it? DID ANYONE EVEN ASK CHRISTIANE AMANPOUR ABOUT HOW SHE FEELS ABOUT IT? These are the things that keep my mind churning and wondering. Perhaps if we remain cognizant, media literate, and THOTFUL (LOL), we can maintain proper usage and language but also have fun on the Internet and come up with new, fun terminology like "CO-ED" (Constantly Overcome with Existential Dread).

*Disclaimer: when I say "bae" I mean the term we appropriated from black culture to what is now, an acronym.